My Name is Teri Hess

A Personal Reflection by a Foster and Adoptive Mom

My name is Teri Hess and I have fostered 12 children and adopted seven through Arizona’s Children Association Foster Care Program. When I became a foster parent in 2003, I never expected that I would one day be the parent of eight children. I had one daughter, Tina, and had always wanted more children. As a single parent, adoption appeared to be a good option for me. Tina was at an age where I felt I had the time to give to a child.

Ashlee was placed with us in 2003. On my way to pick her up, I learned about her sister Mimi who was placed at a separate shelter. At ages 2½ and 1½, the sisters were separated and labeled as “violent.” I brought both girls home that day, and adopted them in November, 2005. While they have their sibling rivalries, I have never seen the “violent” behavior I was warned about.

Jillian was placed with me in June of 2004, seven days before her first birthday. She was returned to her mother in December of 2005, which was devastating to me, as I had hoped to adopt her as well. I was able to put my feelings into a letter to her mother, which lead to a positive relationship and we continued to keep in touch after Jillian returned home.

After Jillian left, Angelina was placed in my home. I was asked to adopt her and fully intended to do so. However, a year later, the case manager contacted me and informed me that Angelina was to be placed with a relative who had come forward. My family was once again crushed, but we went along with the case plan and Angelina went to her aunt’s home in August 2007. Four months later, the case manager called and asked if I would still like to adopt her. My answer was “YES!” and Angelina was adopted in March of 2008.

During this time, a three year old named Alexis was placed in my home. She was labeled as “withdrawn, antisocial, and unaffectionate.” Her two younger siblings were placed halfway across the valley. When I asked about the younger siblings, I was told that Lexi’s brother, Issac, had anger issues at age one. Her younger sister, Arianna, was less than a year old. I told my workers, “we have to get her siblings here.” In November 2006, Isaac and Arianna were brought to my home. I immediately saw a change in Lexi. It appeared as if she was finally able to relax, knowing her siblings were with her. What came next was a few years of court dates, and in November 2009, I adopted all three kids on National Adoption Day.

You would think this is where my story ends… but if you are keeping track, I have only talked about 6 of the 7 children I have adopted.

So here is what I call my “swan song” – in July 2007, Jillian was found in a parking lot in Payson. Her mom was struggling with mental health issues and was in a down cycle. The CPS case was transferred down to Phoenix, and since it had been over a year since Jillian had been returned home, reunification efforts were put into place again. At this time, Jillian was four years old and had spent half her lifetime in my home. As she watched her siblings get adopted, Jillian hoped that one day she, too, would be adopted into the family. Her wish came true in June 2010, when, at 6½ years old, she officially became Sierra Jillian Hess.

The past seven years have been a roller coaster of emotion for me. I have learned a lot about relationships and formed lifelong friendships. I am still in contact with many of my children’s “other mothers,” and we still talk about them to this day. We have nothing but positive thoughts towards them, and wish them the very best. Things happen for a reason, and while I was heartbroken each time a child left my home, I knew that there was another one who needed me at that time. There is always another child who needs you.

I have learned so many lessons along my journey. First of all, I have learned to not listen to the "labels" that are placed on children. What they really need is love and nurturing. I am so grateful that I took the time to form my own opinions about the children placed in my home. I have witnessed my only daughter grow from an awkward, rebellious teenager into an amazing big sister, then into a young woman, and now, a soon to be mother.

People often ask me how I manage as a single parent of seven young children. I tell them “I never wanted to adopt 7 kids, but God has a sense of humor. Some days are better than others, and other days are not as good as some.” My life revolves around my kids and I would not have it any other way.

As the Foster Care and Adoption chapter in my life closes, I know many of you are just beginning your journey. I wish you the very best and offer you this piece of advice: Follow your heart and do what is right for the kids – because you are their voice. Speak up and actively participate in every aspect of these children’s lives, because there is someone out there that can help, you just have to find them.

To learn more about foster care and adoption with Arizona's Children Association, visit www.arizonaschildren.org and click on "Permanency."

We Call it "The Beanbag Place"

Three year old Benjamin Wexler, and his parents Doug and Elyse and younger sister Sabrina, have been participating in classes and workshops at The Parent Connection since Benjamin was born.

Benjamin calls it "The Beanbag Place" because during circle time at the weekly playgroups, there's a song where the children throw beanbags. Benjamin also likes dressing up like a lion and giraffe in The Parent Connection's costumes, and that he and his parents "play some games" at the 'Beanbag Place." What Benjamin doesn't know, and his parents appreciate, is that all the fun will have a significant impact on his successful future.

"When Benjamin was born I got a flyer at the hospital about the First Steps program, a newborn support group for parents of newborns," said Elyse. "I was pretty new at parenting and was looking for other people who were having the same experiences."

During the First Steps program Elyse learned about TPC's "Parents as Teachers" program and now, a parent educator comes once a month to Elyse and Doug's home to answer their parenting questions and provide information and support. "My parent educators have really seen us through it all," said Elyse. "We work on sleeping, napping, discipline and all of the issues that come up in parenting. Mostly you realize that you're ok and that you're learning what you need to be a good parent."

For Doug, "The staff has been great. They're very friendly, very knowledgeable and they've helped us solve some problems."

Elyse and Doug also participate in the playgroups at The Parent Connection which include one hour of child directed playtime and ½ hour of circle time where families participate as a group. Doug is a teacher and attends playgroups during the summer when he's off school. A highlight of the playgroups is the "take a book, leave a book" program so that children leave each time with a new book to read.

Elyse returned to the First Steps group when her daughter Sabrina was born, and "really enjoyed it because I was a totally different person.

"Parenting can be isolating, and it's really hard to know if you're doing the right thing," added Elyse. "I have met some really nice people"

Doug adds, "The name The Parent Connection is great. We have connected with great people."

To learn more about The Parent Connection, visit www.theparentconnectionaz.org.

Yummy Restaurants Wanted to Participate in Dine Out for Safety

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and National Child Abuse Prevention Month.

To increase awareness about our vital services and raise funds to prevent family violence, child abuse and domestic violence across Arizona, Arizona’s Children will hold Dine Out for Safety on Wednesday, April 20 at restaurants across the state.

Restaurants in Flagstaff, Phoenix, Tucson and Yuma are invited to participate in Dine Out for Safety by committing a percentage of their proceeds for the day to benefit Arizona’s Children Association. Restaurant benefits include their name or logo on promotional materials printed for the event, recognition in the Arizona’s Children Association newsletter and the restaurant’s logo and/or name on the Dine Out for Safety website.

Interested restaurant owners can go to www.dineoutforsafety.com or e-mail Becky Wilson at bwilson@arizonaschildren.org or call (800) 944-7611 ext.2302 to learn more and register. In order to be included, we must have your completed restaurant commitment form by Friday, March 4, 2011.

AAA Arizona, KPHO and KOLD Stuff more than 1,500 Stockings!

AAA Arizona, KPHO TV in Phoenix and KOLD TV in Tucson joined forces this year for a Stuffed Stocking drive that will brighten the holidays for more than 1,700 children served by Arizona’s Children Association in Phoenix, Tucson and Prescott.

AAA reached out to donors across the state to drop off their stuffed stockings at their local AAA location via television spots on KPHO TV and KOLD TV.

“We were thrilled to work with the Arizona’s Children Association and benefit such a worthy cause,” said Brad Oltmans, vice president of insurance for AAA Arizona. “AAA is committed to giving back to the community, and hopes these stuffed stockings will help spread a little cheer to children in need during the holidays.”

“The participation we have seen from the Stuffed Stocking drive speaks volumes about how much our community cares about its children. Even during these tough economic times, people are coming together and paying it forward to those in need. We at CBS 5 are proud to be part of such a wonderful program,” said JoLynn Houk, marketing manager, CBS 5 Phoenix (KPHO). “The Stuffed Stocking Drive underscores a spirit of giving in our community. It is wonderful to be part of a program that brings people together to help pay it forward to children who face daily challenges; the holidays are a time to put cheer into their lives.”

Photo: The Elves at the Tucson broadway AAA (left to right): Ruth Hughes, Cathy Lenox, Melody Watts, Debbie Kyle, Ellen Yasmer

Congratulations to Nehemiah and Amanda….

And congratulations to the hundreds of children whose adoptions will be finalized this year. National Adoption Day is November 20, 2010. Your families love you, the uncertainty is over and your futures are bright.

And congratulations too, to Sara and Israel and Melissa and Jason, your lucky adoptive parents.

"The Miracle Baby"

Melissa and Jason first laid eyes on their 'miracle baby,' Nehemiah on the AdoptUSKids website. They will finalize his adoption next week. Nehemiah is no ordinary toddler. He's the 'miracle baby.'

When Melissa and Jason went to California in November of last year to visit him for the first time, "we fell in love with him at first sight," said Melissa. "We didn't want to leave."

Melissa returned to California to celebrate Nehemiah's 2nd birthday in December, and then their entire family, including six year old Jaron and seven year old Jaylynn went to visit the baby for New Year's. He came home to Arizona with his family in February, and immediately had to have emergency surgery and landed in the ICU for two weeks. Nehemiah has a neurological disorder and his brain isn't full developed on one side. He is never expected to walk and may not be able to talk. He requires 24 hour-a-day care including g-tube feeds, a suction machine and svn machine, and four to five therapies a week – speech, physical, occupational and vision, plus .

"When we brought him home, they told us he wouldn't ever be able to do much," said Melissa. "Now we call him our 'miracle baby.'" Nehemiah rolls over, scoots on his back, eats a jar of baby food a day and has started grabbing toys. "He is the happiest, most smiley baby. He's in love with our family and we are in love with him. He smiles and kicks when we come in the room, and he has learned to laugh out loud."

In October the family will travel to California to finalize Nehemiah's adoption, and then (what else!), go to Disneyland.

"We love her to Death"

Amanda's journey began at her birth in prison. She moved from home to home, family member to family member until the Escandon family picked her up from a CPS office in 2008. Amanda was 12 years old. "She thought we were weirdo's," said Sara. "Our sons were in the back seat of the car with Batman and Superman masks on and she thought my husband and I should have known more about her." Over the past two years, the Escandon family has "fallen in love" with Amanda, and her with them. "We have seen Amanda grow tremendously," adds Sara. "She's come so far. She's a beautiful girl. She's not afraid to speak up. She's amazing."

Amanda's brothers adore her and she and her sister share secrets and friendship bracelets and have developed a really great relationship.

"It was hard to blend at first, but they are all really great friends now," said Sara.

And Saturday, November 20 is National Adoption Day, a national day of celebration of adoptive families and an opportunity for courts to open their doors and finalize the adoptions of children from foster care. This year on November 20, families, adoption advocates, policymakers, judges and volunteers will come together and celebrate adoption in communities large and small all across Arizona. To learn more, visit www.nationaladoptionday.org.

"A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned" - Benjamin Franklin

For many of us…a penny earned is a penny spent…which can result in not too many Benjamin's in our wallet for the things we really want. Golden Gate Community Center, in partnership with the Valley of the Sun United Way and Arizona Saves, is dedicated to turning financial instability around for the families it serves with a series of FREE Financial Stability Classes to help start families down the road to financial success. The content of the classes includes Banking Basics, Building a Better Budget and Taking Charge of Credit.

"The purpose of the program is to help our families move toward the goal of financial literacy armed with knowledge, clear direction and confidence," said Enrique Vargas, program director. "Through classes and individual assistance we will provide information about how to open bank accounts, establish savings and manage credit. It's information that every family can use."

Angelica signed up for the series of classes when they were first offered. "I was interested in the topic and had a general lack of knowledge about how to establish credit, federal and state programs that could help us buy a house, how credit cards work and how to establish a checking account and a savings account," said Angelica. "I learned in the classes about how important it is to set goals, get credit and make payments." Angelica’s financial goals include starting a small business, buying a home and having enough money to travel.

Enrique adds, "Angelica has changed the way she manages money. She has started saving money and establishing credit. She's much more confident about her financial future."

Enrique adds, "Unfortunately, many people are uncomfortable talking about their finances. They don't believe there's anything to learn. Our classes include information that will be helpful to everyone."

The next Financial Literacy workshops are scheduled at Golden Gate on November 4th to November 18th. Workshops take place from 6:00 p.m. – 7:30 p.m. Dinner is provided at 5:50 p.m. for workshop participants and daycare is provided. All classes are held in Spanish.

PJs and Eggs Returns Across the State

In celebration of “World Egg Day” Hickman’s Family Farms, Arizona’s only commercial egg producer, is asking breakfast restaurants around the state to open for “breakfast for dinner” on one special night to benefit Arizona’s Children Association’s (AzCA) statewide foster care programs.

The second annual Hickman’s Family Farms “PJ’s & Eggs” – A Breakfast for Dinner Event – will take place on Friday, October 8, 2010 (“World Egg Day”) at participating restaurants from 5 p.m. – close (close time determined by individual restaurants). Restaurant customers and employees are encouraged to wear pajamas that night.

Customers having “breakfast for dinner” will be asked to bring a pair of new pajamas to the restaurant to be donated to AzCA’s foster care programs. In return, customers will be entered to win gift certificates from participating restaurants. They will also be given a “Free Dozen Eggs” certificate, courtesy of Hickman’s Eggs, to be redeemed at any grocery store where Hickman’s eggs are sold. Participating restaurants will be supplied with eggs from Hickman’s to ease their food costs for the night.

Participating restaurants will display a pajama collection container beginning the week of Sept. 13, 2010. Customers that donate pajamas any time leading up to the event will also be given a certificate for free eggs.

Participating restaurants will also donate a portion of the proceeds from “PJ’s & Eggs” to AzCA. Volunteers from AzCA and/or members of the Hickman’s family will be present at participating restaurants during the night of the event to assist with collecting pajamas, distributing the free egg certificates and collecting raffle tickets. Visit the event website for a complete list of participating restaurants at www.pjsandeggs.net